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Attendant Dos and Don’ts

They’re your best friends and your closest relations. Here’s a run-down on the etiquette of working with them as bridesmaids and groomsmen.

DO

• Start a list of possible attendants as soon as you can. As soon as you announce your engagement, friends and family will want to know how they can help.

• Make sure your Maid of Honor and Best Man are of legal age so that they are able to sign the wedding registry as witnesses. If you have children and want them to have special roles, they can always be a Maiden of Honor and a Co-Best Man. Just make sure you’ve got the adult versions, too!

• Once you and your fiancé have figured out the final cut, start asking your attendants right away so they’ve got plenty of time to make plans.

• When you ask each person, make it a special occasion. Arrange to meet each on their own for an after-work drink or a nice lunch, for instance.

• Be clear right from the start about your wedding plans and what they’re likely to face in terms of expenses. If someone feels they wouldn’t be able to afford the time or expenses, discuss a way for them to be somewhat involved, making it easier for them to join in.

DON’T

• Don’t get too caught up in the age or gender of attendants; nowadays, what matters is who’s very special to you.

• Don’t worry if the number of bridesmaids and groomsmen aren’t the same. Neither the procession up the aisle nor the wedding portraits need be symmetrical these days.

• Don’t ask a child first whether or not they want to be a flower girl or ring bearer. Always ask the parents’ permission first before getting the child involved.

• Don’t feel you have to include somebody simply because you were in her wedding party. Asking attendants and being an attendant shouldn’t be about repaying debts.

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