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Connecting with “The Dad”

Getting your dad to like your fiancé (and vice versa) may be a challenging task. The two most important men in your life may seemingly have nothing in common. Your fiancé may be a football fanatic who likes to hang with his “buds,” whereas your father may prefer computers or watching the History channel. That said, you want them to get along to the point that family gatherings are comfortable. What are a few ways to gently push their bonding in the right direction?

Easing the Tension

The nature of the relationship between a man and his father-in-law can be tense, at first. Your father has been protective of you since you were born and marrying you off is no different. Once you’ve signaled that you’ve found the right guy, the ice between your father and your fiancé may only need some melting. Your goal is simply to give your fiancé and your father a chance to get to know each other and find commonalities on their own.

First and foremost – don’t try to force the issue. Relations between the two need not be as strong as between your husband and his best friends. There’s nothing wrong with them being acquaintances rather than great buddies. Educate each one separately on commonalities they have so that each will have a place to start a conversation. Just a few topics can grow into others undiscovered.

Use your siblings

If you’ve got brothers, they may be holding out judgement as well. Yet more likely they are close enough in age that there are shared experiences (college, sports, computer games) that can help smooth those waters. If they’re all local, plan something at your place or at a local pub. Hopefully, they’ll like your guy, which will be a big step in getting dad on board. Or you may even suggest to your fiancé he take the initiative and organize an afternoon at the driving range together (or baseball game, etc.). If all goes well, include your dad in the next invitation. It’s a way for the group of them to bond without having to be overt about it.

Spending time together

Given that the tie in the relationship between your dad and your fiancé is you, you can be the social link between them. Invite them both out for lunch, with you in tow. Invite your mom and dad to a double date at a movie. There’s no speaking required between them during the movie itself, and yet they are spending time together. Not just that, both parents will feel better that you’re not excluding them in your future life and that you still want to spend time with them.

The goal is that your fiance and dad have more to talk about then just the weather.

Photo from the movie “Father of the Bride.”

Father of the bride toast

The “Father of the bride” wedding toast is an important part of the wedding festivities. The day a man walks his daughter down the aisle is a huge day in his life. He is in essence placing his daughter into the care of another man to care for her, protect her and make her happy. After walking her down the aisle he still has a couple duties; the father daughter dance and the father of the bride wedding toast.

Typically the best man gives his speech followed by the maid of honor. Then it goes to the father of the bride to make the final comments of the night before the rest of the festivities begin. This can be a simple “raise your glasses” or a story about watching his little girl grow so quickly and meet the man of her dreams.

Here are some tips for the father of the bride (we know he may not see this post, but one can always print it out and put by his morning coffee):

1. Speak to the guests. Thank all the guests for coming to share this special day with you and your family. Make them feel welcome and part of your family (for those who aren’t already).
2.  Address your daughter and new son-in-law. Be courteous to your son-in-law whether you like him or not. You can make a comment about how he better take care of her, but let it be light-hearted and in good spirits. Then have a moment with your daughter where you wish her the best, say you are so happy for or just express your utmost love for her.
3. Tell a story. Give the guests a little sample of how wonderful your daughter is. Tell a quick story about her, when she was little or just about her growing up through the years. It will be touching for everyone who knows her well and give some insight to those just getting to know her. Plus, it’s always sweet when a dad gets sappy.
4. Speak from your heart, always the best recipe for father of the bride wedding toasts. Just let your heart speak and you’ll be fine. The only restriction with this is; don’t let anything negative slip out. If you don’t like the groom, just avoid the topic of him altogether. 

Above all, keep things joyful and positive. Good luck and silently toast yourself for a job well done!

Photograph courtesy of Andrea Polito Photography.