Your Wedding Advice - StrictlyWeddings.com Blog

Announcing Your Engagement – Who’s First?

When announcing your engagement, always start with family first – parents, siblings and grandparents.

The most intimate and immediate way to tell your family is in person or by telephone. For family there are just a few phone calls and hearing your voice and excitement is so much more memorable then an email! And if you live in the same city, then of course in person is even better.

Yet, it may not be practical to call everyone else. If you have many in-town as well as out-of-town friends with whom you share personal information, then email is an acceptable way to announce your engagement. Of course, you know best if there are friends that best hear the big news with a phone call (or else!). So use your judgement in the end on who gets the call and who gets the email.

Wedding Day Gratuity Guide

Gratuities are normally extended to vendors who have done more than you expected before the wedding day and on the actual day of your wedding. For sure this is important info to use, and you can pass along from generation to generation!

Put Some Thought to Your Gratuity
Reflect on the planning process and how the various vendors helped you with the details that led up to your day. Follow your conscience to determine what you feel is right. Be sure to clarify with your vendors if the fee for their service already includes tips for support staff. Since some establishments automatically add a tip to the bill for service to large parties, be careful to avoid unnecessary double tipping. If you choose to extend gratuities, here a few ideas to help you get them in order:

1. In advance, estimate each gratuity and then write a check or place cash into an envelope with the recipient’s name, and/or their title on the front of the envelope. The envelopes can be distributed to the appropriate vendors during or at the conclusion of services on the wedding day by your wedding planner or someone else you trust to handle on your behalf. An additional envelope can carry cash to make up for discrepancies once the final bill arrives and the percentages can be tabulated.
2. Write thank-you notes to the vendors who helped you throughout the planning process. Often, a sincere note of thanks is appreciated as much as or more than a tip.
3. Give the planner cash in an envelope and have the wedding planner discreetly pass out the tips to various vendors who have surpassed expectations.

Mandatory Gratuities
Transportation and catering always include gratuities (15% to 20%) in the total service fee. Gift basket delivery requires a $2 to $3 per bag or basket to have a bellman deliver to a guest room at a hotel. On occasion, hotel staff will hold a bag or basket behind the front desk and give it to the guest upon check-in, in which case it is wise to tip the front desk manager when you drop off the bags or baskets, just to ensure that your request is executed.

How Much to Give
Since all your vendors are in the service business, gratuities are a kind and generous gesture of appreciation for going the extra mile to make your wedding day perfect. The following list is of vendors that usually receive gratuities on the wedding day. Keep in mind that gratuities are customary, but maybe not a fit for your budget, you will decide that.

These receive gratuities most of the time:
Banquet Captain — Oversees the servers and makes sure your guest’s food and beverage wishes are met. Often acts as the head maitre d’ for the reception and works closely with wedding coordinator. Tip: $1 – $5 per guest.

Hair and Makeup Artists — Assists with all the beauty needs of your bridal party, keeps flow of group while everyone is getting ready. Tip: 15 -20% of the total fee, whether you go to the salon or they come to you.

Bellman — Assists with loading wedding items, i.e. gifts, flowers at the end of the night, luggage, etc. to your hotel room or car. Tip: $10 – $20 each. This is something that you an work out ahead of time with Hotel Staff.

The following receive a gratuity/tip 60-70% of the time:
Wedding Planner & Team — Assists with all aspects of the pre-wedding planning and wedding day execution. They often serve as the designer, director, producer, therapist, seamstress, dry cleaner, touch-up makeup beauty stylist, coach, consultant, honeymoon suite decorator, bell-hop and bridal party assistant. It is impossible to categorize all the services your professional planner is capable of executing. Tip: 15% of total service fee.

Catering Manager/Director of Catering / Food and Beverage Director — Assists primarily with the pre-planning of the wedding day and occasionally oversees the Banquet Captain on the day of your wedding At the hotel, they can usually make sure your hotel suite is upgraded, amenities are given and your stay is special. At a private venue or country club, they can additionally oversee the kitchen and bars. Tip: $50 – $500.

Entertainment — Musicians. Tip: $20 – $50 each. DJ. Tip: $50 – $300.

The following receive a gratuity/tip 50% or less of the time:
Photographer & Videographer — A gratuity can be given to the “lead shooter” and/or the assistants on the wedding day or on the day you receive your finished product. Tip: $40 – $100 each. This is just a suggestion, please ask your photographer about this in advance.

Florist/Designer and Team — Whatever the tip, the florist/designer should divide it among the set-up and break-down team. Tip: $50 – $200.

Tips on Tipping

It’s customary to give gratuities to your wedding vendors. But to whom? When? And how much? To add to the confusion, some vendors include a gratuity in their contracts, while others leave tipping to your discretion. Ask before you sign, so that you know whether tipping is optional or contractual. Here’s a breakdown of what to expect and what to do:

When Gratuities Are Expected

Waitstaff at the rehearsal dinner

• How much tip? For parties of 20 or more, a gratuity of approximately 20 percent will automatically be added to the bill.

Wedding-day transportation

• How much tip? 20% of the total cost.
• When to tip: Most transportation companies allow the option of paying in advance or on the day of the wedding.
• Give the job to: the best man. He can be in charge of paying any outstanding transportation bills and tips.

Reception staff (including the manager, maitre d’, waitstaff, bartenders, and powder-room, coat-check, and parking attendants)

• How much tip? 18–20% of final reception bill. (This is usually split between the manager, maitre d’, waitstaff, and attendants.)
• When to tip: The bill and tips are usually paid a few days prior to the reception.

DJ/musicians at reception

• How much tip? $20–$25 for each musician.
• When to tip: at the end of the reception.
• Give the job to: the best man. Have cash envelopes prepared in advance.

When Tipping is Optional

Delivery-truck drivers (cake, rental equipment) and workers who set up rental equipment (tents, tables, and chairs)

• How much tip? $5–$25 per person, depending on difficulty of the tasks.
• When to tip: Upon delivery or post setup.
• Give the job to: The person accepting deliveries or the person in charge of setting up the ceremony and reception sites. Have cash envelopes prepared in advance.

Officiant

• How much to tip? $100 and up. It’s common to make a donation to the church/synagogue or to a charity in the officiant’s name in lieu of a tip.
• When to tip: Donations can be made prior to the wedding, presented at the rehearsal dinner or given after the ceremony.
• Give the job to: the best man, if you wait until the wedding weekend.

Organist/musicians for ceremony

• How much to tip? $20–$25 for each musician.
• When to tip: at the end of the ceremony.
• Give the job to: the best man. Have cash envelopes prepared in advance.

Reception-hall manager/maitre d’

• How much to tip? $30 or more for each, depending on the size of the wedding and the final reception bill.
• When to tip: at the end of reception.
• Give the job to: The father of the bride or the best man. Have cash envelopes prepared in advance.

Waitstaff and bartenders

• How much to tip? $20 per person or 10 percent of the total bar tab for bartenders. (Also, instruct the maitre d’ that guests should not be solicited for tips.)
• When to tip: at the end of the reception. If you are tipping a percentage, you will need to know the final bar tab first.
• Give the job to: the maitre d’. Have cash envelopes prepared in advance.

Powder-room, coat-check, and parking attendants

• How much to tip? Each attendant should receive $.50–$1 per guest. (Also, instruct the maitre d’ that guests should not be solicited for tips.)
• When to tip: at the end of the reception.
• Give the job to: the maitre d’. Have cash envelopes prepared in advance.

Hair and makeup artists

• How much to tip? 10-15% of total cost.
• When to tip: at the end of service.

Manicurist

• How much to tip? 15-20% of total cost.
• When to tip: At the end of service.

Masseuse (pre-wedding massage)

• How much to tip? 15–20% of total cost.
• When to tip: at the end of service.

Tips You Can Ship

Although you can always tip or send a thank-you note for exceptional work, these vendors do not generally receive gratuities for their services:

Wedding consultant
Stationer
Bridal shop
Seamstress for alterations
Tux shop
Jeweler
Cake baker
Florist
Caterer
Photographer and assistant
Videographer
Travel agent for honeymoon
– Anita K. Henry, Modern Bride magazine

Vera Wang doesn’t just do gowns: She has wedding tips and ideas, too

With a client list that includes A-listers Mariah Carey and Victoria Beckham, Vera Wang knows a thing or two about dressing brides for their big day. Now Wang is taking her expertise to the Web.

Building on her 2001 book Vera Wang on Weddings, VeraWangOnWeddings.com offers a registry and shopping portal for Vera Wang products, which include everything from mattresses to lingerie. In addition, users will find bridal gown photo galleries and video of Wang offering wedding tips and ideas.

“This is our way of leveraging all of our wedding knowledge, and also my desire to tap into that emotional vocabulary of weddings from every- thing from our fragrance all the way to our new beddings and linens,” Wang says. The site is set to launch May 20.

Wang is confident that most brides can benefit from her site, even if they can’t afford her pricey designer gowns. “Brides will get me,” she says.

Wang offered a sneak peek at her top wedding season tips and trends:

Tips

• Determine what kind of bride you are. Whether you’re a romantic, modern or exhibitionist bride, Wang says, you must do what makes you comfortable. “I think you really have to be who you are on that wedding day.”

• Decide how you’re going to live. Take into consideration what kind of life you and your partner want, and stick to it. “What’s the use to have china that is $30,000 a set, you need four staff to wash it and you bring it out maybe two or three times in your life?”

• Make planning couple-centric, not bride-centric. Some brides become so caught up in the hype and glamour of their big day, they forget they’re part of a couple. “Just because you like one type of mattress doesn’t mean your spouse does,” Wang says. Decisions are “about the bride and the groom together.”

Trends

• Multiple dresses. Many brides are opting for a few costume changes on their big day, including a ceremony dress as well as a dress or two for the reception and after. “I haven’t been lucky enough to have brides buy all three from me!”

• Destination weddings. Beach ceremonies and exotic locales are getting more popular, which means brides are showing more skin. “We’ve seen a surge in (destination weddings), hence lots of short dresses, lots of soft dresses, lots of bare dresses and lots of minis.”

• Color. White remains the standard for the wedding dress, but some brides are looking for a shot of color. It’s for “an individual who really is brave and confident and wants to make a fashion statement.”

By Arienne Thompson, USA TODAY